I wish I could just accept that my body needs rest. I am not a patient person! I've been struggling with flu-like symptoms since Friday and after three solid days of rest - yes, me, I rested for 3 whole days - I thought I felt good enough and was past it, so I was pretty busy on Monday. Well, today I am paying for that decision and I am frustrated on so many levels. I want to be patient. I have always wanted that character quality, but alas, I don't seem to be able to wait around until the Lord can allow it in me (wink).
So, given this turn of events, I have been trying to pray more often and to spend more time with my girls. We have accomplished school the last two mornings, even if it was with me holding my head up with one hand and helping with school work with the other. The Lord has allowed me to get that much done and I am so glad. Perhaps He is trying right now to teach me patience. To try and show me that I must slow down now and then in order to focus on the things that are most important in my life. I want that, I really do! My challenge is not to look around and see all the things that need to be done and not get completely frustrated. Well, perhaps that's something else He is trying to show me, 'eh?
I have always been the person who pushes, pushes, and pushes some more. My Momma has told me for years I need to learn how to relax. Now there are other loved ones in my life, both family and friends, who tell me the same. Hmmm...is there a pattern here?
Then there is the guilt. The guilt about all that I'm not accomplishing...all that I'm not doing each and every day. The worst adjective someone could use to describe me would be "lazy". I have always disliked (intensely) the phrase "Lazy Susan"! Ugh! Call me normal, call me frumpy, call me almost anything else, but lazy would be the ultimate insult for me. Is this pride? Is it?
Is this normal? Am I the only mom who home educates and works from home who feels this way? I think I just heard a resounding "no!" in blog land...at least I hope so...
Would you be willing to pray for me this week? Please pray that I would learn what it is the Lord wants me to learn and that I could try and focus my energies on those things that He would have me focus on each day. Please pray that I would learn patience and that I would truly learn how to rest. That I would somehow understand and know in my heart and mind that it's ok to rest and relax and put my feet up now and then (and not drown in guilt while doing it!).
I appreciate your prayers, if you're willing to join me on this prayer journey. And, just for reading my rambles, I thank you. Going to lie down again for a bit and rest (still not sure that isn't a 4-letter word of sorts...)
All my best to you and yours,
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